Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is something that shouldn’t happen in a relationship and most importantly, that children shouldn’t have to be forced to experience. A healthy model of marriage/cohabitation and family, is one where people respect themselves and others, while using words, not fists.

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Always keep in mind that your children will assimilate their parents’ model of romantic relationships as the correct one to follow, even if they do so subconsciously. So, if you don’t want your daughter growing up thinking getting beaten is being loved, or your son thinking that beating up and feeling jealous is love, consider the kind of model you’re providing them with.

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Abuse and Social Services

Nonetheless, we all know that domestic violence is a complex situation. When it involves children, institutions, such as child welfare, social services, the police, the medical center, the school, and courts take part. You should know that families do get broken up because of domestic violence, in order to protect the children, as well as the adult who is being abused, since they are all seen as victims. That is why the best you can do is protect yourself and your children, in order to avoid the risk of them being taken away from you. 

A Decline in the Relationship Leads to Violence

In these cases, domestic violence may be the consequence of the separation itself, or the deterioration of the relationship. Up until this point, you had no reason to believe your ex could ever become violent. But we all know that during the process of a separation, emotions become heightened, the things that are said and done may be impossible in other circumstances.

Recurrent Abuse Becomes Intensified

In these cases, the partner being abused may not consider domestic violence as a good enough reason to separate. Some people may go as far as saying that they’ve gotten used to it. In situations where someone has been victimized for so long, their self-esteem may have plunged and they may have become dependent on the abuser. The victim may therefore start believing that they are the ones to blame, that they deserve to be treated this way and that their abuser is showing love by being violent. Others may want to leave but not see a way out, for financial or other reasons.

When children grow older, they may be the ones to tell their abused parent to act towards a separation, but always remember that these circumstances cause great suffering to children and you should remove yourself from the violence as soon as possible.   

Escaping Abuse and Protecting Your Children

Freeing yourself from an abusive relationship is equally important to the physical and mental health of yourself and your children. In order to thrive, we all need a safe environment, where we can be happy and ourselves. What is more, remaining in an environment of violence is detrimental to your children’s healthy ideas of family and relationships. That is why it is crucial to act as soon as possible, right now even!

Tell Your Family

Your extended family may be unaware that you need help or security, but if told, they could help keep you out of harm’s way, including by contacting the police. Don’t be embarrassed to seek your family’s help – that is what they are there for.

Relocate to a Safe Space

In severe cases, where there is a life-threatening risk, the police, and court may decide to protect you and your children by sending you to a shelter. If you need a safe space away from your abuser, you can contact your local social services or a violence hotline, and they can help relocate you or at least give you advice.

Don’t Be Scared to Ask for Help

There are many services at your disposal to help and take care of you and your children. There is nothing wrong with seeking help, in fact it is a great way to get back on your own two feet.

Make Sure Your Ex Gets Proper Help

You’re not being selfish by making a formal complaint or getting and leaving your home. Abusers are also people in need of help, so the best you can do is remove yourself and your children from the abuser, and seek professional help, from social workers and a psychologist, for all of you.

Seeing Your Children’s Parent in Prison

It’s not easy to see your children’s other parent in prison, and not all children will understand what has happened and why this was the right decision. But remember, it’s your children’s welfare and your life that have to be your top priority.

Full reference: 

, (Jan 5, 2016). Domestic Violence. Retrieved Apr 25, 2019 from Explorable.com: https://explorable.com/e/domestic-violence

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