Dealing With Betrayal

You’ll probably be surprised to learn that most relationships survive physical betrayal and often go on stronger. Of course this does not mean you should go looking to betray your partner, but rather that there are ways to survive betrayal and come out more robust.

However a separation can also develop, after a third-party has stepped in the way of a marriage/cohabitation, to the point of rupture.

There Is Someone Else

As discussed in previous articles, more than physical distance it is the emotional distance and detachment that causes a relationship to wear off and eventually lead to separation. Betrayal seems like the natural consequence of the distance between a couple. If you’re emotionally available to find someone else, you’ll open the door to a third person to get into your marriage.

The Repercussions of Betrayal

We’re not assigning guilt here. Obviously, betrayal causes a lot of grief for everyone involved. And if after a divorce the new relationship perseveres and grows, the betrayed party may feel as if the wound is constantly open. Shame and anger may take longer to disappear in those cases. If you are the one who has found a new relationship, you should remember that the point is not to feel shamed. Rather, it provides you with an opportunity to talk to your ex and help them get through this process a lot easier.

After Betrayal and Separation: Now What?

Socially speaking, it’s not easy to deal with rejection. Some people will feel sorry for you, others will say you were unfit to keep your marriage/cohabitation secure. You’ll either be the victim or the cause for betrayal and your subsequent separation. However, although it may be challenging, the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is not to take on any of those roles – refuse to be the victim or the guilty one. A marriage is constructed of two people – both share the blame.

Overcoming the Grief of Betrayal

Betrayal can compel you to experience an array of emotions, from self-doubt and self-pity, to anger and vengefulness. Nevertheless, preserving your stability and mental health, depends on being able to overcome that grief in a healthy way.

Hold Your Head High

You have done nothing wrong and there’s nothing wrong with you – your marriage/cohabitation didn’t work, that’s all. Don’t hide in shame – instead refuse to play the role of the victim.

Don’t Induce Further Pain

If you’re still hurting, avoid spending time with your ex or seeing how happy they are with their new affair. Do not be masochistic and do not put yourself in the line of fire, until you become strong enough to do it.

Don’t Influence Your Children Against Your Ex

Your children may want to assign guilt or be on your side. But remember it’s best for everyone, especially for your children’s long-term mental health, if they stay away from what happened to you as a couple. Being a parent is a bond that should not be broken. Even though mistakes have been made and everyone is hurting over it.

Avoid Asking Too Many Questions

If your children went to spend the weekend with your ex-partner, don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to. If you do, you’ll start comparing and become even be more resentful.

Accept Responsibility, Shed Guilt

Your marriage/cohabitation has ended and you have your role in that. But it’s not all on you. Letting go of the guilt is your half-way mark into healing and letting go of all the pain, in order to re-organize your life as a single person again.

Value Yourself

You have great qualities, but having been “swapped” with someone else doesn’t help you see that. It’s time to start a new hobby, to go back to school, meet new people, challenge yourself and surround yourself with people who appreciate your company.