Finding Someone New

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After splitting up from a long-term partner, your sense of self and self-esteem may be severely damaged. It’s not easy to put yourself out there and find someone new to love. Perhaps you’re scared or maybe you have baggage from a previous relationship. Whatever the case may be, you deserve to find love!

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You have probably had a long-term relationship with your ex, and are a bit out of practice, when it comes to dating. Understandably, you may feel a bit anxious. That is, however, a normal reaction, and you shouldn’t let it prevent you from finding love. Things might have not worked out with your ex, but there are still plenty of people out there, who would love to be with you!

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Don’t Rush

Some people rush into a new relationship, just because they can’t seem to handle being on their own. That’s not a great idea, because if you haven’t thought through your decision to date someone, you might find yourself in a vicious cycle of dating the wrong people. This may lead to a sense of failure, of being unable to maintain a new, healthy relationship. Surely, you don’t want to miss your next big love, so make sure you are ready for that person.  

Before Dating Again

To start a new, healthy dating life, make sure you have first gotten over your marriage/cohabitation and are ready for a new partner, by doing the following:

Mourn Your Relationship

Rushing into a new relationship, with bleeding wounds from the previous one, won’t set the ground for a happy new couple. This is why it is crucial to mourn your marriage/cohabitation – cry, think, take your time.

Analyze What Went Wrong  

But don’t obsess over it. Just try to analyze what you don’t want to experience again, and take responsibility for your mistakes. You and your ex have both had a part to play in the separation. In some cases, psychotherapy can prove to be is a useful tool and may help you deal not only with grief but also prepare you for a new relationship.

Find a Way to Feel Good by Yourself

Feeling good alone, being comfortable with who you are, is halfway to creating a positive new relationship. Avoid basing your happiness on someone else’s attention and love. If you don’t love yourself and aren’t confident, it would be more difficult to build a stable relationship with anybody.  

Visualize Your Next Relationship

If you’ve analyze what went wrong in your previous marriage/cohabitation, it would be easy for you to know what you’re looking for in your next relationship. Create a list of how you’d like to feel in a new relationship, and what your exchange should be like with the ideal partner.  Avoid using negative terms and make sure you’re not making up in your head an impossible ideal for a partner. Stay away from focusing on specific traits, physical or psychological, which your new partner should have. Instead, write down how you’ll feel with them and how the two of you will communicate. This will help you channel the right people towards you and keep away the ones that are not a good match for you.

Build up Your Confidence

Before exposing yourself into the world again, you should regain your lost self-trust. Do something different with your hair, buy new clothes, learn something new, try a new sport, start a diet – whatever makes you feel good.

Dating Again, with Confidence

There will come a time when you’ll feel confident enough to start making new friends and incorporating new things into your life. When you start dating again, make sure to keep the following in mind:  

Don't Rush in to a New Serious Relationship.

You have just exited a serious, long-term commitment with your ex. It may now feel refreshing and liberating to date, without rushing into things. There is nothing wrong with dating and living in separate homes, as long as you feel happy.

Build a Strong Friendship First

It’s always nice to date someone you feel like talking to, someone you can trust. If you become friends with a new person, before progressing onto being a couple, it may feel a lot more fulfilling.

Don't Be Afraid of Rejection.

You may not find the next big love of your life at the first attempt. It may take some time and patience. Naturally, not everyone you like is going to like you, and the other way around. Adjust yourself to not being afraid of that – it is a normal part of dating and it’s impossible to find a new partner, without accepting it.

Feel Confident About What You Want.

It’s not wrong to speak out about what you’re looking for, and so you don’t need to feel scared about hurting someone’s feelings. If you don’t feel comfortable in a relationship and would like to seek other opportunities, then that’s your right.

Don't Introduce All Your Partners to Your Family.

There’s some room for error, so you don’t want all the people you date to be scrutinized. And who knows? The right person may even be someone they wouldn’t approve of at first.

Full reference: 

(Jan 10, 2016). Finding Someone New. Retrieved Aug 17, 2019 from Explorable.com: https://explorable.com/e/finding-someone-new

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