My Ex Has Someone Else

How Do I Face It?

How Do I Face It?

You’re still digesting your separation, or even haven’t signed the divorce papers yet, and your ex seems to already be dating, or even in a new relationship. Even though you might feel like you can’t wait to be separated, and that your marriage/cohabitation was fruitless, receiving that news may come as a shock.

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“I’ve been replaced by someone new”,  “He/She never really loved me”, may be some of the thoughts passing through your mind.  However, just because you are thinking it, doesn’t necessarily make it true.

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Inability to Be Alone

For some people not being in a relationship is just too painful. After a relationship has ended, solitude is so painful and they are so dependent, that they will desperately seek someone else. Still, they may not be ready for that person or the new relationship could be wrong for them. Engaging in such behavior may lead to a vicious cycle of one rebound relationship after the other.


Of course in some cases, your ex might have had a relationship while the two of you were still together. Betrayal is a harsh reality to deal with. It could make you feel disrespected or ashamed, although there is nothing to be embarrassed about.  

Feeling Unsettled

Perhaps it has been a while after the separation and you feel as if you’ve mourned your relationhip sufficiently. You may be opening up to the world, creating new routines and making new friends. Even if that is the case, the news of your ex having another relationship may still shock you. Is it because they have recovered faster than you? Is it because you didn’t think they would find someone else? Or deep down inside, you’d wish your ex would remain available for you for the rest of your lives?

It’s important for you to know the answer and analyze your feelings about it. Is it the sense of possession? Or are you just being selfish? The answer to that might just help you heal and move on with your life, past the grief of separation.

Dealing With the New Circumstances

What can you do to deal with the fact your ex already has someone else in their life? The steps listed below could become invaluable, on your journey to accepting both yours and your ex’s new situation.

Don't Immediately Assume It's Your Fault

In fact, the new relationship probably has nothing to do with you. You are not at fault here and the other person isn’t any better than you, just because they have a new relationship. Being with someone else is your ex’s choice and just because your marriage/cohabitation didn’t work, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Avoid The "What Ifs"

Now that you have gone through with the separation, it is likely safe to assume that you have tried to save your relationship and if you didn’t, it is because you firmly believed there wasn’t anything worth saving. How does a new person in your ex’s life change that?

Don't Compare Yourself to the New Person

You’re not better and you’re not worse. You’re a different individual and the relationship you had with your ex was made out of two people who couldn’t get along. There’s always someone right for all of us and maybe right now you and your ex are not suited to each other.

Don’t Overanalyze or Observe the New Couple

It would just add to your frustration and you’ll start overthinking it. “What does she/he have that I don’t”, “Why couldn’t he/she be caring with me but is wonderful with the new person”, these types of questions are not constructive or helpful, and will only torment you.  

Don't Fantasize About Getting Back Together

And especially don’t try to make your ex jealous, because you might end up feeling humiliated. Even if you feel that your ex has been sending you signals, don’t string yourself along. You have a right to move on with your life and even if you do get back together with your ex, remember not to make the same mistakes again. So try to focus on what you want out of your life now, how to make positive changes within yourself, and how to solve some of your previous issues.

Full reference: 

, (Jan 6, 2016). My Ex Has Someone Else. Retrieved Jul 14, 2024 from

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