Having a New Partner

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After a separation, some people report feeling labelled as failures, in their personal lives. Others say that they get the sense that they’ll never find someone else, or be happy again. Of course, you should remember that this kind of thinking is unrealistic, and is only bringing you down.

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Unless you have mourned your relationship and understood that what happened is nobody's fault, you may be scared of repeating mistakes, and end up thinking everyone is the same. Your marriage/cohabitation might have failed, but you have the right to be happy and there’s definitely someone out there for you. As long as you stay positive, chances are you’ll find someone and live a happy, long life.

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Encouraging Yourself

It is common for people who have separated from a long-term partner once, or a few times, to feel insecure about starting all over again. Getting used to being single again and living on your own is certainly an adjustment. So how can you change it all back again? How can you let someone in and share your home and your life with them?

It’s a process and it can be hard to trust someone new, out of fear of getting hurt again. After all, romantic relationships hold a certain amount of risk, and you should be prepared that it is perfectly normal for them to end both ways.  However, relationships are also incredibly rewarding, and a necessity for most people, who would like to feel happy. If you are having a hard time getting past your previous traumas, now is the time to look into some options.

Seek out Your Loved Ones

If your kids and family, as well as your friends, like your new partner and feel comfortable sharing time with them, that’s always a good place to start. These are the people you trust the most, and their opinion is important for regaining your strength.

Take Your Time

There’s no need to rush into a relationship, without first getting to know the person well. Remember, dating someone can be a wonderful experience, without the pressure of sharing a bathroom and having a second toothbrush. Start talking about moving in together, or getting married, when you feel ready for it.

Set Boundaries

In order for a new relationship to work, it’s important to know where your boundaries are and how much you can adjust them. That’s important not only for you, but for your new partner as well. It’s crucial for you to feel as your own person, but also as an active party in a relationship, and respected for that. Obviously, this goes both ways.

Learn to Share Your Space

You’re going to have to compromise, at some point, and consider your response, before reacting. It may be useful to ask yourself the question, “Am I overreacting, or is this really important?”. In order for a relationship to work, you need to make room for your new partner, both in your home and in your life.

Dump Your Emotional Baggage

You’ve met someone new and you’re not going to relive your previous relationship, unless you repeat the same mistakes again. That’s something you need to believe so you can give your new marriage/relationship a fighting chance. While it is important to learn from our past experiences, we must also remember that no new relationship can be like the previous, and so it shouldn’t be burdened by the weight of your past experience.

You're No Longer Alone

Other than sharing your home, your time, your privacy, your children, you need to share yourself. Remember that you’re no longer alone - you have someone to lean on, and share responsibilities and decisions with, and you have someone new counting on you.

Communicate  

Is he/she stepping on your toes? Talk about it! There’s no problem that cannot be fixed with an honest and open conversation. However, even when your new partner annoys you, remember not to blame them, and use “I” sentences. Conversations are fruitful only when they are calm and considerate of both parties.

Full reference: 

(Jan 11, 2016). Having a New Partner. Retrieved Aug 17, 2019 from Explorable.com: https://explorable.com/e/having-a-new-partner

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