Build Self-Confidence

, Psychologist, 1.8K reads

When you start observing and being mindful of your self-critical thoughts, you begin looking at criticism as course-correction data, that involves getting back on the path to success.

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The goal here is not to convict, blame or judge, but rather to provide future-focused feedback that allows you to be more effective henceforth.

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Imagine Two Scenarios

Scenario A, where a novice actor is trying to play his part, while you are an established and experienced actor. During rehearsal, after reciting his lines, he looks to you, with an expectation that you will be disappointed or frustrated. Judging by your facial expressions and body language, his negative expectation was correct.

Your behavior reflects impatience, as well as your belief that he doesn’t have acting skills. As the rehearsal carries on, this will have further adverse impact on his behavior and in his anxiety he will perform even worse.

On the other hand, in Scenario B, when he looks up to you expecting disappointment or frustration, you give him some pointers, while encouraging him to improve on his existing skills. Over time, you will likely observe him getting more comfortable in his own skin, leading to better performances.

Encouragement and Improvement

These two examples illustrate the difference between positive and negative perception. When the young actor is reassured, he gradually improves upon his art, while when criticized negatively – his anxiety grows.

Dwelling on a mistake, but not taking action to change the circumstances, may often result in repetition of the mistake-regret cycle. Instead, it is much more helpful to focus on what positive and constructive changes you can make.

Look to the Future

In the two scenario we examined, you are both actors, and the way you talk to yourself, reflects on how you feel and what you do. If you spend a lot of time contemplating what has gone wrong in the past, you will not be able to look ahead, to a brighter future.

You can picture this phenomenon with the simile of looking in the rearview mirror for so long, that you hit a car ahead of you.

Get your focus away from the past and towards the desired future. Let go of the self-critical aggression, and use specific feedback to work on your limitations in a positive way.

Identify Future Strategies

Once you have identified your limitations and the mistakes you have made, turn them into an equation to be solved. How could it can be rectified? If a constructive action or apology is all that is needed, take the time to plan and do it.

After you have resolved the situation in a positive way, prepare yourself for similar future circumstances. How will you handle them? You can write your suggestions down and ask yourself questions, or use a friend to bounce ideas off of. Learning from the past and strategizing for the future will pave the way to your success.

Encourage Yourself

Self-confidence comes when you begin to learn from your errors and work on them, in a positive and constructive manner. Turn your mistakes into stepping stones. At the end of the day, write down at least one success story of your day.

Whenever you are feeling down, look at your notes and prevent your self-confidence from dwindling.

Full reference: 

(Mar 29, 2016). Build Self-Confidence. Retrieved Mar 26, 2019 from

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