Wow we are impressed! You really seem to know your stuff and so this page will probably be pretty interesting for you, as you will learn even more!
Sometimes it may seem like your feelings come first and provoke certain thoughts. However, thoughts always come before feelings, it is just that these thoughts are often challenging to identify. Continue to learn more
Thoughts always precede feelings. You can learn more about that on the next page!
...but actually thoughts always come before feelings. We don't always realize the thoughts that provoke our feelings, and so it may seem as though the feeling has come first. Please continue to learn more
Some people love thunderstorms while others despise them, but we could all agree on one thing - during a thunderstorm first you see lightning and then you hear thunder. As you probably know, that is not because lightning happens first, but rather because the speed of light travels faster than the speed of sound.
In fact, if the storm is far away enough, you might not even here thunder, only see lightening.
Thoughts and feelings are not math, but they can still be described by the following:
Event = Thought = Feeling
Even though it may sometimes seem like this is what happens
Event = Feeling = Thought
That is because sometimes we don't realize we are having certain thoughts. They can be buried so far back in our minds, that we don't see them at all. That is why it is easy to think that feelings come before thoughts.
Imagine feelings like lightening and thoughts like thunder - you may feel like you are experiencing emotions first, but that is only because thoughts could take more time to realize.
The negative thoughts that precede unpleasant emotions are often a part of the subconscious mind. Those thoughts go through your mind very quickly and resemble assumptions, which you have built over time. Because they are so fast, you often don't realize you are having them.
All of this means that the negative thoughts you do not realize could often be the reason behind negative emotional experiences. That is because those thoughts can distort reality and lead you to incorrect conclusions.
So, in order to feel better and happier, you need to identify those negative thoughts and transform them, so that they reflect reality more accurately. This process will allow you to deal with emotional distress in a healthy way.
There are 10 main types of negative thoughts:
Catastrophizing = Turning small problems into huge onesE.g.: I got a C on my test, so I am failing the year for sure!
Mind reading = Assuming what others think without any evidenceE.g.: The neighbor didn't say "Hi" so he must be thinking something bad about me!
Fortune telling = Predicting the future negativelyE.g: I will do terribly at my new job and will be fired.
Overgeneralizing = Making general conclusions based on a single event.E.g: I am always the one who does not do well at work!
Emotional reasoning = Assuming that current emotional states reflect reality in generalE.g: I feel miserable right now, so I am always a miserable person!
Shoulds = Thinking about what "should be" instead of what isE.g: I should be the best in my class, otherwise I will be a failure.
Regret = Focusing on negative past events instead of the presentE.g: If only I hadn't talked to her, this would have never happened...
All-or-nothing thinking = Thinking in black and whiteE.g.: I didn't get my dream job - I never get what I want!
Filtering = Concentrating on the negative and ignoring the positiveE.g.: My car has 1 faulty part so it is a total piece of junk!
Personalization = Everything that happens feels like a reaction to you.E.g.: Those two people are whispering, so they must be discussing me!
You've got it! Now continue to learn exactly how to do that
While being able to talk to someone you know well or trust can make you feel better, when it comes to identifying your negative thoughts we'd like to suggest another approach. Please continue to learn what it is
We are here to help! Continue to the next page to find how you can identify your negative thoughts
Negative thoughts are what stands between you and a happier life. So, learning how to identify them is the best way to deal with emotional distress. Please continue to the next page - we believe you'll get excited about the process!
The way to identify the negative thoughts that cause you emotional distress, is to examine each situation that provokes unpleasant feelings within you. Once you have identified the negative thought, you should classify it into one of the types that you already know.
Please take a look at this example:
Situation: You are going on a trip and a few days before, you find out that it will rain while you are there.
Thought: My trip is ruined!
Type of negative thought: All-or-nothing thinkingHint: Weather is only one factor of your trip. This is an "All-or-nothing" thought because it shows that if some things are not perfect, you feel that everything is horrible.
Now that you have identified the negative thought and its type, it is time to challenge that thought. Check if it is an accurate representation of reality.
Thinking about it is great, but there is just one more thing you should add to be effective. Please continue to find out what that is
You are so amazing! That's exactly right! Please continue to learn more
It might be a little challenging to decide that the thought is wrong without any evidence. But don't worry - we have a suggestion for you! Please continue to find out what it is
The best way to check if your negative thought is an accurate representation of reality, as opposed to an assumption that makes you feel badly, is to ask questions!
Here are some examples:- Do I have any evidence?- Could something else happen?- Is this objective?- Am I assuming the worst?- Could this turn out to be something good?
Asking questions is the best way to find out if your thought is helpful or not!
Let's go back to the example of your rainy trip.
Now that you have questioned your thought ("My trip is ruined!") you might find that it is not an accurate representation of reality.
If you think about the situation more thoroughly, you will probably see that while this may not be the ideal weather for your trip, you will still be able to see a lot and experience many wonderful things. Just because one negative thing has occurred, it does not mean it is all bad!
The last step is to replace your negative thought by a positive one, that reflects reality more accurately and would not cause you emotional distress.
The negative, unhelpful thought: "My trip is ruined!"
The positive, helpful replacement thought: "This might not be the way I pictured my trip, but it will still be fun and interesting! Besides, rain will allow me to see an entirely different side of the place! I just have to remember to pack an umbrella and warmer clothes."
Let's review how to identify and challenge our negative thoughts, that stand in the way of a happier life:
1. Remember that thoughts come before feelings
2. Examine each situation that affects you negatively
3. Identify the negative thought that makes you feel badly
4. Identify the type of negative thought (catastrophizing, mind reading, fortune telling, overgeneralization, emotional reasoning, shoulds, regret, all-or-nothing thinking, filtering, personalization)
5. Ask some questions to check if the thought is an accurate representation of reality
6. Replace the negative, unhelpful thought with a helpful, realistic one
The procedure from the previous page can work with every type of negative, dysfunctional thought that we already learned about.
But remember - there is no magic solution to help you deal with negative thoughts! Achieving a happier life is within your reach, you just have to be persistent with your efforts, even when it is not too easy.
We know you can do it!
